Goldfish
by Black Moon Rising
Summary: After Kisame's goldfish dies under Deidara's care, he has to get a new one before Kisame returns or things could end quite badly! Sasori is dragged along to aid with his journey, and he just knows that there's no way this is going to be good.


Warning: Quite a bit of OOCness.

* * *

"OH MY GOD! IT'S DEAD, SASORI, **DEAD!!! **KISAME'S GONNA KILL ME!" 

"Deidara..." said the redhead, rubbing his temples. "Calm down and tell me what happened..."

Deidara wrung his hands and stared at the fishbowl, where a orange goldfish was lying belly-up on the surface. "Kisame went out of town for a few days and asked me to watch Shark while he was gone...But I woke up this morning and he's dead!"

Sasori bent down and looked at the fish. "That's not good."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THIS IS **HORRIBLE!**"

"Relax, Deidara, geez," Sasori sighed. "We'll just get him a new one. He'll never know the difference."

Deidara stared at him like he was crazy. "This is _Kisame _we're talking about. He knows his fish like he knows the back of his own hand!"

"What did you say it's name was?"

"Shark, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"Oh, nothing really, just curious."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. He couldn't help but think of Kisame's furious face and his huge shark sword. When Sasori looked back, the blond was literally in a fetal position on the floor. "Deidara, you idiot, get off the floor and pull yourself together. We're going to the pet store._Now._"

* * *

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Deidara muttered. Both he and Sasori were standing outside the pet store. The artist kept looking around for any sign of the store's name. "What's this place called?" 

"It doesn't have a name."

"Why?"

"The owner's not that original."

"Ah...You go in first."

"Deidara, it's a _pet store_. What are you so afraid of?"

"Dunno."

Sasori slapped his palm against his forehead. "Remind me to seriously hurt you next chance I get."

Deidara shook his head, then looked back to the store and gulped. "Oh well. Here goes nothing!" As he walked ahead, Sasori rolled his eyes behind him.

Deidara threw open the door. The tinkling sound of a little bell attached to it made him jump. "Can I help you?" said a cheerful looking man at the counter.

"Uh, yeah...I'm looking for-" Deidara began.

"We're having a special today on chew toys!"

"That's nice, but I-"

"If you're looking for dog food, we're restocking the shelves soon."

"Sorry, but I don't-"

"And we're-ACK!"

The man had been cut off by Deidara grabbing his collar and jerking him inches off the floor. "I don't need any of that!" Deidara fumed, shaking the unfortunate clerk. "Just show me where the fish are, else I'll-"

"The back of the store...along the wall!" the man choked.

"Thanks," Deidara chirped. He released the man, who fell to the floor with a huge THUD. "Sasori? Fish are on the back wall."

"I heard him," the redhead replied. "Next time, I wouldn't advise death threats. No matter what you may think, it doesn't get you anywhere."

Deidara pouted until they had reached the back of the store. His mouth hung open. Aquariums of varying shapes and sizes covered the wall, and colorful fish swam around inside. "Wow," was all he could say.

The bright display did not affect Sasori, and he went around looking for a tank with goldfish. "There we are," he said, pointing with a long finger to a tank nearby.

Deidara looked inside. Sure enough, dozens of little goldfish were darting around inside. One of them swam up to him and looked him straight in the eye. "What are you looking at?" he asked.

The goldfish did not look away.

"I said, what are you looking at?"

Still, the goldfish had no response.

"Well, you know what...you're...you're...um..."

Sasori couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Deidara, are you...arguing with a fish?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I could say so many things about what I just saw, but I'm going to refrain from stating them," Sasori said after a moment's silence. "I never though I'd see the day when Deidara had an argument with something that had no capability of talking back...Astonishing."

Deidara glared at him, and when he looked back to the tank, the fish had swam away to join its brethren. "So we've got the fish...my butt is saved! Thanks, Sasori."

"Sure, whatever. Just give me the money and I'll go pay."

Deidara's mouth dropped open again. "M-m-money?" he stammered.

"Yeah, you use it to buy things!" Sasori said sarcastically. "And," he added under his breath. "You might want to get some and buy yourself a brain."

Deidara dug around in his pockets, growing more panicked by the second. Finally he withdrew his hands and shrugged. "I don't have any..."

Sasori folded his arms. "Then we have a problem, don't we?"

"Please, Sasori?" Deidara begged. "I'll do anything!"

"...Anything?"

"Yes, anything!" the blond said pleadingly.

"Alright..." Sasori thought for a moment. "I want you to admit that my puppets are much better than your clay sculptures, and that art should always lives forever."

Deidara's face flashed with anger. "No way!" he hissed.

"Fine," Sasori said. "But when you get ripped limb from limb by Kisame, it won't be my fault..."

Deidara consulted with himself for a very long time. He was in obvious pain when he said, "You win, Sasori. Just get the fish and let's get this over with."

Sasori smirked. "So we have an understanding, eh? I thought we would..." He pulled out his wallet and took out the money. "I'll be right back."

He stalked off, leaving Deidara alone. The blond grinned, finally happy to get Sasori away for a while. "Let's see what kind of things are around here..."

Deidara strolled down the aisles, taking his time and looking carefully at each shelf. He took hold of a blue rubber bone in his hand and squeezed it, laughing at the squeaking noise it made. He nearly lost a finger after sticking it in a cage trying to pet what he believe to be a harmless kitten, and again when trying to stroke a feisty little Chihuahua's ears. Needless to say, he had run as fast as humanly possible away from the cages.

When he stopped, he was in an aisle he hadn't yet been in. He looked around for a moment while trying to catch his breath. Deidara's eyes halted on a colorful box on the shelf. "What's this?" he wondered aloud. He peered around to make sure no one was watching, then popped open the box and looked inside. "Cookies!" he exclaimed.

"Figures. I can't leave him alone _for one minute_, and he runs off. He could be anywhere in here..." Sasori angrily thought. He held the fish in a transparent bag. Finally, he spotted Deidara when passing by an aisle. He had his back to him at the moment. "Deidara, there you are! I've been looking all over for you!" He clasped Deidara's shoulder and turned him around. "What the-?"

"Hey, Sasori!" Deidara said. His mouth was halfway full of some kind of food. He held the box to Sasori. "Want some? They're _really _good."

Sasori blinked many times. "Er...you do know you're eating dog treats, right?"

Deidara looked from him to the box with a horrified expression. He shrugged, then stuffed another treat in his mouth. "They're really not that bad, ya know..."

"Ick!" Sasori yelped. "Let's get out of here, already...you're really starting to freak me out."

"Aw, come on!" Deidara whined. "You suck all the fun out of everything!"

"Yes, I do. Now let's GO!" Sasori snapped, grabbing him by the ear and dragging him out of the pet store.

* * *

_**A few days later...**_

"Thanks a lot for watching Shark, Deidara!" Kisame said happily. "I was more willing to leave him with a complete idiot than alone."

"It was no problem," Deidara said, completely missing what Kisame had just said. "Sasori helped a bit, too."

"Be sure to thank him for me, okay?" the fish-like person said. He took the bowl and brought it up to eye level. "Aw...Sharkie missed me, didn't he?"

Deidara twitched. Kisame's baby voice was scaring him. Thankfully, Kisame said, "Well, Deidara, I'm going to get out of here. I need to relax."

"You do that," Deidara smiled. As soon as Kisame had left, Deidara's eyes shifted back and forth, just to make sure no one was around. Very slowly, he reached down and opened the cabinet. He pulled out a box, opened it, and started to munch on the savory treats.

"Deidara, how many times do I have to tell you, you don't eat dog treats!"

Deidara jumped. "S-Sasori!" he gasped. "You snuck up on me!'

"Get out of here," the redhead said. "And leave the box."

Deidara sulked and obeyed his orders. As soon as Deidara had left, Sasori leaned against the cabinet and sighed. With a mischievous smile, he reached in the box Deidara had left behind.

"Sorry, Deidara. But these treats are mine."

* * *

Hehe. This was awesome to write! Considering it only took me about 45 minutes and the fact that this is my first story in forever shows how insane I really am. Deidara is amazing. 

Don't ask about the dog treats...I don't actually know what they taste like, I just thought it would be hilarious if Deidara liked doggie treats. XD

-Sweet Dreamer


End file.
